Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Happy Day Liam!

Today is my son's birthday. To understand why this day is so important to me for reasons beyond the obvious, I would like to go back to a post I wrote on January 7th, 2009 just after he was diagnosed with Autism.

"Just before Christmas I found out my son (just over 2 years old) has autism. Ever since then I have been having a problem with coping.

  • I know that this changes nothing about my boy. I love him dearly and think the world of him. It does not change the smiles, the hugs or even the cries.

  • I know this is a positive in that now he has access to special services that will help him.

  • I know that since it was caught young the interventions are likely to have a great effect on him too.

  • I also know this makes my wife's life a little easier in now show knows what is going on and can deal with it (she is a stay-at-home mom).

He was diagnosed in the 'moderate to high' category. According to the PhD he is 26 months and is at a 13-15 month development level on most categories. Though I am still not sure what they can actually tell at this age. I look at this as a baseline and we will know more in probably three or so years. He does not talk yet and he does indeed have social issues that are quite obvious (even in my denial stage beforehand - I recognized it).

I am really looking forward to when he talks. My ten year old is adopted (we are her uncle and aunt) so I am looking forward to being called 'Daddy' for the first time. While I know it will happen someday, but what happens if it does not (and yes, logically I know if does not change a single thing)? I know this sounds selfish of me - but I really do want to hear it one day.

I am also looking forward to trying to figure out how to stop the head banging when he gets frustrated. It is very disconcerting and I really do not want him to hurt himself. I can understand why he does it. If I could understand a lot of what is going on around me but I could not find a way to communicate what I need and feel back - I'd be banging my head against the wall too. Seeing the frustration in his eyes is just heart wrenching.

It is strange but this is the first time since I knew officially that I have been really upset by it. I guess the holidays were all about having fun and being together. The reality of being back to work and having to call insurance companies etc. has brought the reality to me I guess.

The real issue is that I think about how nothing in life is going to be easy for him and it makes me sad. I am having a hard time reconciling myself with the issue as a result. I love my boy and want to do what is right for him. I have been told several times to just keep doing what I am doing. That I am doing the right things. I guess it is the powerlessness that I am feeling that really hurts. I just wish I could wave my magic wand and make things all better (like a kiss to the boo boo) but I know that is not going to happen. "

In the time since that post so much has happened to open my eyes to the whole new world. This little boy that is supposedly handicapped is one of the happiest on earth!

Who is thoughtful at times...

and mischievous at others...

but at all times - he is my boy...

Happy birthday've made me the happiest da-da ever!


Post Script:
Check out at the 21 second mark to see Liam surfing! Very cool dude!

No comments:

Post a Comment